“Love At Second Sight – Playing the Midlife Dating Game”
by Mason Grigsby and Nancy W. Collins

New Horizon Press, 2004

 

Top First Date Rules: DO’s and DON’Ts for Midlife Romance

 

 

 

DO

 

  1. Approach and talk to new people.  Say, “Hello, my name is…” when at a social gathering.  Also, women need to recognize that men are actually shyer now.
  2. Recognize and pay attention to qualities that you “can’t stand” as well as those that you “must have.” Use your experience to make better decisions.
  3. Be proactive and approachable when you are out in your normal environment – people are everywhere and they are also looking.
  4. Ask a man who you have met to go out on a date – it’s acceptable and will be flattering. What can happen that is bad?
  5. Women should be themselves; “dumbing down” for a man is not smart. If he can’t handle it, move on + if it works all you have for your effort is a moron.     
  6. Don’t dress for failure  - first impressions are more crucial than ever.
  7. Listen and ask questions. If you both have instant chemistry just “go for it” – remember the “boat is leaving the dock” – be on it.
  8. Try Internet dating, dating services or personal ads—remember: nothing ventured, nothing gained; no one is going simply appear and knock on your door. 
  9. Bounce back from rejection—we all get rejected it’s not worth the effort to think about it.
  10. “Google” prospective dates – you just might find out something about them.


DON’T

  1. Don’t appear “needy,” as though you are waiting to be saved or rescued, and never say you are “looking for a serious relationship” on the first date.
  2. Don’t be negative or bitter about your life or things that have happened to you; don’t complain about past relationships or spouses.  
  3. Don’t take comments a person makes literally and reject him or her because of it.  We all make off-the-cuff remarks that do not truly represent us—if there is some basic interest on your part give him or her a second chance.
  4. Internet dating sites, dating services or personal ads: don’t falsify any of your information—and post a recent photo, don’t be naïve; your personality is not going to overcome an unhealthy, disheveled look.
  5. Women: Don’t say, “I wouldn’t consider sex until I am in a committed relationship” – save it!
  6. Men: Don’t spend the entire evening talking about you - women will not appreciate a man who seems to want to control everything.
  7. Women: Don’t appear to be “high maintenance” in your demeanor or actions. And don’t be argumentative – older, mature men will flee.
  8. Men: Forget about telling women your health problems, they don’t want to be nurses.
  9. Don’t stare at the ground when a member of the opposite sex passes by, look at them and just say “hello” – be open to a response. 
  10. Men – don’t talk about sex- it is a 1st date killer (unless you have invoked #7 in the “Do” category).